


Cemetary of Fallen Dreams

by lovefilledinsomnia



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Tears, fine won in main story AU, shu being an emotional dumbass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 09:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16930617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovefilledinsomnia/pseuds/lovefilledinsomnia
Summary: "Where do dreams go when they die ? What do stars do when they fall ?"After fine's victory over Yumenosaki Academy, countless dreams are left to rot - crushed under the victors' shoes. Dreams that weren't given enough time to bloom, dreams that fell after reaching the doors of heaven.But what happens to the dreamers ?A series of drabbles set in an alternate universe where fine triumphed in the main story. Will feature several units.





	Cemetary of Fallen Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spleen : a French term coined by poet Baudelaire. Describes the sensation that comes from a profound feeling of dissatisfaction and discouragement, melancholy and loneliness.

Oh, how bittersweet it was. A remnant from the past had made its way toward him, fluttering insolently until it reached the ground. And despite knowing better, Shu picked it up.

Maybe he _wanted_ that suffering. He knew how exquisite it was –  pain as sweet as a mouthful of thorns. The colors on the old leaflet were faded, and now that Shu was examining it carefully, years after it was made, it seemed so tasteless to him. He could feel no beauty from it. The maladroit composition, the clumsy lettering – all of it was insufferable.

Truly a piece of trash, he thought, taking some twisted pleasure in crumpling that old paper. Had he always intended to do that ? Had he kept that old leaflet all that time, in that exact purpose? Shu didn’t know. Shu didn’t want to think about it, and it felt good. Somehow, the paper seemed to still be struggling for breath, begging to be left intact – so Shu opened his desk’s drawer nonchalantly. His fingers prodded inside blindly, until they brushed against cold metal. His sewing scissors. 

Shu would have wanted to stay stoic, as he was cutting up his old dreams with vengeful snips. He wanted his last look at them to be proud, or maybe scornful.

He didn’t want to see heavy tears dropping to the crumpled paper, one after the other. He didn’t want everything to go blurry – his ambitions from olden times disappearing in a salty haze. Sometimes, things don’t go as you want them to. Prayers go unanswered, ambitions rot and go to waste. And Shu kept cutting, tiny pieces of his memories fluttering to the floor. He kept cutting, again and again, until nothing remained. Until it was all gone, once and for good. The dam over his own feelings was gone, too.

That’s when Shu fell to his knees, sobbing over remains of his forgotten glory.

* * *

The rain was so loud, on that day. Heavy drops crashed against cold glass, just above Shu’s head. That once familiar, soothing lullaby – he hated it.

He wanted silence. Dark, quiet nothingness. And yet, that rain, that light, those knocks on the door – his dreams of emptiness shattered, over and over again.

Shu stifled a sigh when he heard more knocks. This time, they grew shy, or almost scared. He hoped they’d just stop, and that night would fall quicker, and that he’d be left alone—

Knocks again. Shu dropped his needle, grasping his head between both hands. He tugged on his hair so harshly it hurt, the pain cooling him down enough to keep a levelled voice.

“Go away, Kagehira.” His voice was a cold blade, drawn in defense – or maybe for show. While usually he’d obey, this time Shu could almost hear him struggling to keep his calm.

“Oshi-san, can I please come in… ? Ya’ve been cooped up in he—” Shu’s fists clenched, and for a few seconds, he saw white, blinding rage.

“I said. Go away.”

The shadow behind the door fell silent. Shu could almost picture it, if he just closed his eyes. A quiet, hunched shadow, its forehead pressed against the door to Shu’s bedroom. What a tasteless painting it made for, Shu snickered.

“I’ve got ta talk to ya properly, Oshi-san.” The shadow’s voice was pleading and hushed. It would have been so easy to just ignore it, _pretend it never existed_ , like he always did, but…

“Please, Oshi-san. Please.” Oh, he could almost see them. That unassuming shadow’s fingers, clenched into trembling fists. Those mismatched eyes brimming with tears.

Shu did answer, but not out of sympathy. “Say your piece and leave at once.” No, maybe he was just curious. Maybe for once… He wanted to hear what was behind that complacent mask.

Maybe Kagehira smiled, behind that door, as he sat in front of it. Shu heard a small thud – his head resting against the wooden panel ? “ ‘m glad ya finally want ta listen, but… Truth is, I’ve got way too many things to say.” It laughed, hidden safely behind the door, but joylessly. Shu picked up that needle again, fiddling with it as he waited for the shadow’s confession.

“Oshi-san… I know ya don’t wanna hear that, but—” Shu’s movements halted. As he thought, it all was a waste of time. “I really don’t want all this to end. I can’t… It’s too early ! Please, Oshi-san, I really want—"

“I do not care for your feelings, Kagehira.”

It wasn’t too much of a lie. The shadow fell silent for a moment, but this time, Shu couldn’t picture what kind of face it was wearing.

“… Yeah. I thought so. ‘m sorry for running my mouth like that, Oshi-san.” It might have been waiting for an answer – reassurance, praise, promises. But Shu’s only reply was cold, resigned silence. The noise of the rain punctuated small noises, from behind the door. Shu tried to ignore them.

“Oshi-san should do all the thinking. And I’ll just… move along with ya. At least let me have that…” Maybe Shu had dust in his eyes – they were all tingly and teary. He idly thought he should at least clean a bit of his room, once he’d find enough strength. “At least… I wanna fall down with Oshi-san, if it comes to that !” The shadow was sobbing. How undignified.

… How improper, Shu mused, wiping his eyes.

“I don’t wanna leave Oshi-san alone ! Even if ya push me away, even if ya move to the other end of the earth— I’ll always follow ya, Oshi-san ! I wanna be with ya, always, even if we can’t sing anymore !” Kagehira was shouting between hiccups, and Shu’s own silent tears echoed them.

“Please, please just listen to me, Oshi-san ! Please let me stay with ya ! I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna be alone again !” Shu swallowed thickly. His cheeks were wet – how foolish, he spat to himself – but he had achieved a firm, unwavering resolve.

“Kagehira.” The shadow’s broken sobs stopped, almost instantly, and Shu could _see_ Kagehira desperately pressing his hands to his mouth to muffle them, _to listen to him better_. His will faltered, like a flickering candlelight, and—

“Get lost, Kagehira.” The silence was deafening at first, and Shu thought he was going mad.

“O-Oshi-san—”

“You heard me. Get lost. Go away !” It was getting a bit harder to breathe with each order he spat out. “Go away ! _I don’t ever want to see your disgraceful face again ! Go to hell, Kagehira !”_

The shadow was silent, on the other side of the door. Maybe it had already left, but Shu kept going, fists clenched and chest on fire.

“ _Go to hell ! It’s all because of you ! You ruined it all ! You always did !_ ” Nothing answered— Shu finally got the emptiness he desired. And yet, he was still shouting, tears running down his cheek with each painful word.

“ _I hate you ! You ruined everything I have ! Disappear !_ ”

Shu was out of breath when he ran to open the door, palms bloody from how hard his nails had dug into them. But at least, he got what he wanted.

Mika had left, hopefully once and for all. And, greeted with the sad sight of that empty hallway, Shu laughed— incredulously, then hysterically.

He was gone. Kagehira was gone, and would never come back.

Shu laughed, again and again, until his stomach hurt and his cheeks cramped and—until he was sobbing, hands gripping at his hair.

It was all over, now. It was all over. He was gone and it was over. That thought hurt, it hurt so much but so good, and as Shu wobbled back inside his room, he found himself wanting more.

Pain, and nothingness, and pain, and nothingness – he let himself fall on top of his bed, chest heaving.  

It felt so good, stabbing the remnants of his past over and over again. That’s why Shu cried, and laughed, again and again, until he fell in a deep, sleepless dream.


End file.
